Slow genius.

AHA!!

If I go to the main floor of the house I live in (but rent the basement apartment) and plug in the nifty blue phone cord to the laptop, I can actually load pages in a decent amount of time — AND — as an ADDED BONUS — I do NOT leave comments 50 times for other people!

What an incredible day.  Now, I must celebrate by continuing to deep clean the house and work on my final divorce papers.  (Note:  I am not being tongue in cheek and I’m not celebrating the divorce.  But I will be working on the papers this afternoon.  I’m sure you very much wanted all of that information.)

I am no mountain warrior

O, you know.

I just haven’t been ready to come back yet.  You know how it is.  It’s just a space, but it reminds me so much of other things.  My story changed.  I did not change, (ok, maybe I did a little) but my story changed.

So here it is.  I like my job.  I like working with five year olds.  Five year olds tell very good jokes.  But it is all in the delivery.  Trust me.  I did not like getting a lice check today, but what can I say.  When you visit people’s houses sometimes things happen. 

For the record, I do NOT have lice.

I’ve started yoga.  Hmm.  I don’t get a lot of things.  I really don’t get "baby crow."  I don’t think I’m ready for anything with feathers yet.  Maybe I will understand it one day.  My sister, who lives across the ocean, has also started yoga.  She’s visiting in early December and I’m sure she will be able to explain it then.  If she has time.  We plan to be very busy. 

But, for now, I have to rescue my shoes out of the washer so that they are dry in time for pilates tomorrow.  Something else to occupy my time.  I’ve had to be very creative with my time lately.  I didn’t realize how much more time there’d be …. !

Demolition Derbies and Bathroom Tiles…

… in the same week

                     and with the same intensity ….

Only, my bathroom tiles did not catch fire spontaneously.
Although, I wanted, at times, to set them on fire purposefully.

In the new apartment, the bathroom floor was the worst.  Well, maybe not worse than the shrimp bugs that want to be my roommates down here, but pretty bad.  Worn, stained linoleum.  I so wanted a pretty bathroom with pretty tile; I negotiated with my landlords, who are my friends and so I hate calling them "landlords", and we arranged to put in pretty bathroom tile.  The adhesive kind, which is understandable — it is a rental and Lord knows how long I’ll be here.

The problem is, I’m terrible with dimensions and numbers and laying things out.  So I, and a friend, ripped it out and it made the most wonderful ripping, popping noise as we tore it with no remorse.  Then we put down a scary chemical to eat the adhesive underneath.  Unfortunately, I accidentally kneeled in it and it ate my knee.  (But I’m feeling much better now.)  Scraping the adhesive wasn’t as fun as ripping out the linoleum.  And then I removed the caulk.

And it REALLY wasn’t as fun as ripping out the old stuff. 

Because I was so dimensions phobic, a different friend actually laid the tile down.  That was a relief.

I am a chicken.

It looks great now.

We had to take a break in working in the bathroom, though, to go to the demo derby.  I’d never been to one before and am not quite sure what to say about it.  It was fun.  The company was fun.  I met a new friend.  Her name is Daisy and she’s 4 years old.  She very much likes it when the cars "go boom" and the siren fire trucks come out to put out the fires.  As well, her favorite color is pink and she says she likes to eat bugs, but she may be lying about that.

She talked the entire time.

I’m not sure I’ll go back to another derby, though.  I’m not sure how the next one would be different ….

This weekend, a quick trip back home where I got the incredible opportunity to tell yet even more people that Husband and I are no longer together.  Geez.  Looking into all of those disappointed faces is just no fun at all.  But, today was spent up in the mountains of Oregon watching the kids splash around, shivering blue in mountain creeks and looking for huckleberries in the bushes.  No huckleberries, but my feet are nice and sunburned around my sandal lines and I’m ready to start the new job tomorrow …
                  

I’m Back …

…Like the Backstreet Boys.  Only … better … and … probably for longer … 

 

Moving out of The House left me with no internet access.  That’s fixed now.

 

Lots of details have changed — marital status, address, job — but it’s always been in control and things will continue to get better.  I’m still the same — maybe stronger and with a better concept of grace, but still me.  My shoe size is still the same (which is kind of a bummer because I have kind of large feet …).  I still like to drink mochas.  And I still listen to worship music and Nirvana, thought usually not at the same time.

 

I may put off teaching for quite awhile as I am VERY turned off by it right now.  Unfortunately, that has everything to do with The Situation.  A little disappointing, because I was so very excited about it.  BUT — I’ve recently been hired to work with CASA in my county and will now spend my days assigning court appointed volunteers and willl probably take on a guardian ad litem caseload of my own.  No holidays, no weekends and (Praise God) no graveyards.  A pay raise.  Good stuff.

 

I’m a weenie when it comes to graveyards.  They make me feel physically ill AND I feel like I’m losing it mentally.  Even MORE than normal!

 

And now, while I’m waiting for my laundry to finish, I believe I have some blog walking to do …

If you commit a crime, you get punished?

Thanks, guys.

 

Besides the few temper tantrums and foot stompings I’ve done in the past few days, I think things are going well.  Gradually moving into the new apartment and getting the details worked out (new paint, new flooring, carpet shampooing).  I think it will be help *tremendously* once I get to start focusing solely on organizing it, decorating it, etc.  Right now I have one foot in the old house and one foot in the new one.  Also just waiting to file the papers.  And then wait 90 mandatory days before the final papers can be signed by a judge.  I realize that most states probably have that clause, but oh my. 

 

That feels like a long time to be in a type of purgatory.

 

And I’ve been hanging out a little with the owners of the house and their college friends, having classic college discussions on the emergent church, orthodoxy and Dostoevsky.  Don’t tell anyone, but even though I’m now officially licensed to teach high school English, I’ve never actually read Dostoevsky.

 

So I pack a little, clean a little, work a little.  The kids at juvie are, of course, the BEST possible distraction.  This past week one of my little darlings informed me that he was "quite chunky" and that he needed "lots of exercise, ok?  Flab’s not cool."  Obviously, I have been VERY busy designing a work out for him.  My expert workout advice so far has consisted of "get off your rear" and "don’t eat that fatty stuff the penn sends!"  I am VERY talented as a dietician and personal trainer.

 

All right, then.  If I’m not mistaken, I need to pack the kitchen and go read a little "Crime and Punishment."  Sheesh, I can’t make this stuff up forever.

They Call It Faith For A Reason

This blog used to be my stories of a juvenile justice worker turned teacher, with a healthy sprinkling of Husband antics thrown in.

 

Now, I find myself wondering at how much things have changed.  I find myself wondering even more at a God who never lost control and a God who grieves with me.

 

Without giving away the lurid detail, I’ll just say that Husband, ultimately, decided it was not me he wanted to be married to.  Perhaps not in so many words, but in decisions he’s been making for over a year.  Decisions I just found out about.  My faith says there’s very few Biblical reasons for divorce.  I fall into the Big One.

 

So my story changes.

 

So I change.

 

But the hurt turns into knowledge and the knowledge turns into resolve.  God has spoken to my heart that His absolute compassion for me has never changed and this is not how He wanted things to work out.  Some mornings I wake up in tears and some mornings I wake up ready to hit the phone and get more details taken care of. 

 

So now I will continue to work at the detention center for a year.  And then I will probably move back home to my Master’s at the residential program.  And I will work on the hurt and one day I will work on the forgiving.

 

And I can’t help but thinking how lucky I am to have the support of so many – or – how amazing it is that my heart has just grown that much bigger.  Which makes sense, I suppose.  The heart is a muscle.  You work muscles to create tiny little tears which makes them bigger.  I’m probably not the same person anymore, but … But my heart and my spirit and my faith are just that much stronger.

My Husband Is Now A Greenhorn …

Groan.

 

I have been a terrible blogger lately – both in posting and keeping caught up with everybody.  Blog walks to happen SOON.  I’m anxious to catch up with all of you.

 

I knew the summer was going to be busy – but I thought the busyness was going to start in July.  Being the over-achievers (cough) that we are though, we’ve gotten quite the headstart.

 

Husband’s been wrapping up his school year (getting the kids’ grades in, etc.) and getting ready to fly to S. Dakota to visit some extended family; I’d been busy switching to days, getting some last minute summer meetings in and getting ready to go home for a wedding.  In the middle, somewhere, Husband decided to take a commercial salmon fishing job in Bristol Bay, and we found ourselves planning for the rest of the summer … in one week.  (Does anybody have any good salmon recipes? He’s taking a cooler to load up and ship back.  That’s a lot of fish, and really, I have about two ideas.)

 

Phew.

 

I think we’re ready.  Husband will be gone until the end of July and I will have the house to myself.  Although I’m sure I’ll miss him, the breather from the craziness of both of our schedules definitely won’t be a bad thing.  I have plans for the house (although my unsolicited, spontaneous re-decorating ideas are not always met with joy), plans for the garden, and plans to just … well … I’m not sure, but I’ll figure it out!

 

Thanks for all of the goat suggestions.  Lucky for me, Husband has ADHD and has forgotten all about it.  I MAY buy him a hedgehog (thanks guys!) before he returns.  He’ll get a beloved classroom pet … and I will get the peace of mind that the classroom pet is not a goat or a snake or a lizard.

 

These little guys come home for school vacations, you know.  And seeing that I’m the only one actually here this school vacation … well.  I am NOT taking care of any reptiles.